Friday, September 2, 2011

Postmodernism’s Rituals by Marcus Bale


Postmodernist:

I am the very model of postmodernism’s rituals

My world is made of language reinforced by strong habituals --

There’s nothing really out there, and there’s no one who exists for me –

And any people hearing this are other solipsists for me.

The world is in my head, I don’t believe in physicality;

I brilliantly create it all with magical reality,

Rejecting all experience with mystical depravity –

Ignoring Alan Sokal’s twenty-storey test of gravity.



Chic Chorus:

Ignoring Alan Sokal’s twenty-storey test of gravity.

Ignoring Alan Sokal’s twenty-storey test of gravity.

Ignoring Alan Sokal’s twenty-storey test of gravity.



Postmodernist:

It used to be that science was the tool for every liberal

To use to show that kings and priests were selling mystic gibberal,

But now we want our new-age crystal-gazing fuddy-duddying

Not lectures, labs, experiments, or -- goddess save us! -- studying.



Chic Chorus:

But now we want our new-age crystal-gazing fuddy-duddying

Not lectures, labs, experiments, or -- goddess save us! -- studying.



Postmodernist:

Postmodern art is anything an artist may assert it is;

It isn’t hard to see what kind of formless blowhard blurt it is.

Where nothing’s good or bad there’s only infinite variety:

Your deepest held belief is someone else’s impropriety.

And even that’s not really real, our brains are just achieving it

Through language, fear, and habit, and believing in believing it --

Which means respect the rules of which each local god has sent a list:

You cannot be postmodern if you’re not a fundamentalist.



Chic Chorus:

You cannot be postmodern if you’re not a fundamentalist.

You cannot be postmodern if you’re not a fundamentalist.

You cannot be postmodern if you’re not a fundamentalist.



Postmodernist:

We don’t distinguish good from bad – we can’t be preferentialist --

We sneer at beauty, justice, truth, and balance as essentialist.

Reality is all made up, and truth’s a triviality,

And science isn’t anything but jumped-up mysticality.



Chic Chorus:

Reality is all made up, and truth’s a triviality,

And science isn’t anything but jumped-up mysticality.



Postmodernist:

When I can claim there’s no there there, it isn’t verifiable –

Which means that any claim that I put forward’s undeniable;

When I can claim that making claims is meaningless is meaningless --

As if to try to sanitize a hospital by cleaning less;

When all I need to do is spout some double talk for victory

By claiming contradiction is itself a contradictory,

When all that science claims is that it’s merely hypothetical

Then heresy is always truth and every truth’s heretical!



Chic Chorus:

Then heresy is always truth and every truth’s heretical!

Then heresy is always truth and every truth’s heretical!

Then heresy is always truth and every truth’s heretical!



Postmodernist:

And so therefore we’ve cleared away the sciences’ dementedness,

And we are left to celebrate our contentless contentedness:

Our world is made of language reinforced by strong habituals --

We are the very models of postmodernism’s rituals.



Chic Chorus:

Our world is made of language reinforced by strong habituals --

We are the very models of postmodernism’s rituals.

- Marcus Bales



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